September 6th, 2009
|06:10 am - Paragraphs-at-a-Time Story, "The Branch" #6|
Well, then, let's keep going with this little experiment! (No days off 'til it's done.)
We ended last time with “Ah, Christ, honey,” he said. His voice was already changing.
“Timothy Francis Rodriguez!”
When she caught his arm, he was all shivers and ripples, wind and growls, yellow-gold eyes deepening: first signs of the change entire, too early. But he pulled it together – he always pulled it together, did Tim the sorcerer – and stood there in her hold, contained.
“Timothy Francis,” she said again, less sharply this time, more full of old feeling.
“Please don't call me that, Jessa, hon,” he said, almost smiling. “It might be your teacher voice, but it sounds much too much like my mom.”
Although she wanted to smack him, this was too important. “Tim, are you doing all right?”
“Yeah, sure. Worried about the Branch, is all.” His eyes flickered away from hers, however, toward the south, toward Tucson, toward the great bowl filled with wind.
On edge. The phrase slipped into her mind, the literal truth, the metaphoric fear. Something was rippling up through the layers.
“How often do you come up here?” she said.
When he smiled, sweet as it was, it hurt like a flame on bare skin. “Oh, just regular ritual evenings. You know.”
She knew he wasn't okay, that's what she knew. He was too close for lying.
He was too close still, yes. She let go, and got a better grip on her knife.
“Okay then,” he said, and turned, and made his way up the path. They were almost there.
May your day be free of unhappy shivers!
I'm finally getting caught up on the host of things that have slipped past me in the last fortnight, and I'm loving this -- both the story and the whole idea of it.
Happy Sunday, dear!
Thank you, W_P, thank you twice. (And happy birthday again, too!)
"She knew he wasn't okay, that's what she knew."
Succinct. And such a clear voice in my head.
I'm glad Jessa's voice is clear, hurrah. :-)
Thanks thanks, ALH, and a good Sunday to you, too!
This is such a lovely thing to say, C -- thank YOU, thanks twice, and a wonderful Sunday-into-holiday. :-)
|Date:||September 6th, 2009 06:39 pm (UTC)|| |
Thank you, L, thank you twice. :-) Happy end of Sunday to you!
|Date:||September 6th, 2009 09:20 pm (UTC)|| |
I agree with bathsweaver
's comment. Good stuff! :-)
Thank you and thank you -- I'm glad the bits and pieces have worked so far! :-)
[hugs and a good Sunday-into-Monday]
Thank you thank you, L! :-)
|Date:||September 7th, 2009 04:55 pm (UTC)|| |
Managed to miss this yesterday so am catching up. This is such an interesting format because it makes me pay more attention to lines that really stand out. This one "When he smiled, sweet as it was, it hurt like a flame on bare skin." is just stunning. Really lovely writing and great atmosphere. On to the next part... :)
Thank you so very much, K!
This format is making me pay more attention, too -- I can't allow myself my usual longueurs. ;-) I'm so glad that this is working for you! Thank you twice!
Love the imagery in this one.
Thank you! No, thank you twice! :-)
And a happy almost-Tuesday to you, too...