May 18th, 2015
|05:49 pm - Master Danger Complains, Post #8|
Dear people who read this Livejournal,
Somebody come save me.
Here I am, Master Danger, minding my own business, living my life. Barking at the dogs next door (who need me to come through that fence and teach them a lesson, but I am Not Allowed), barking at crows and other birds, alerting L to the passing of large trucks and schoolbusses, hogging the fan, requiring treats and attention at regular intervals. You know, the usual.
But it is ALSO that time of year when I start to lose my undercoat. As a double-coated animal, I have a white fur coat underneath my red fur, and when it's time to blow coat, huge chunks of white fur lift off my skin, just waiting for a good time to drop and turn into fur tumbleweeds. But until then, sure, I look a little ragged.
So my owner has tried to brush me, which, NO THANK YOU. I've expressed my displeasure by gentle snapping -- I'm not really trying to make contact -- and so L has resorted to... picking at me. Like, I think I'm going to get my 30 seconds of petting followed by a treat, but instead of petting, she pulls out fur chunks.
So I'm making myself available for other offers. I don't want to live with other dogs, cats, children, or really people, but I don't want to be alone either. So work that out amongst yourselves and then SAVE ME.
Sorry, Danger, it's for your own good.
I don't believe that for one single second.
|Date:||May 19th, 2015 01:49 am (UTC)|| |
Dear Master Danger,
We regret to inform you that we have no room here for canines, especially snappish ones. We wish you success in your quest. We must point out, however, that on the whole, one is better off with the human one has, not the human one wishes one has or might have at a later time.
Shadow and Patches, Felines in Residence
L, hugs and good luck with the Season of Blowing Coats
Better off with the human I have??? Well, it's a theory.
::plays a tiny violin for Master Danger:: :-)
I hate violins. They sound like... something bad. I generally bark at them, which APPARENTLY is bad form when L is listening to Mozart or some such nonsense.
Pupert Giles has Corgi undercoat which I've been harvesting by the bagful every day but also long dark guardhairs (I guess Pug?) which apparently itch like fury and have to be plucked. We share your aggrieved state.
Dear Pupert Giles,
Solidarity, man. People can be so uncool when it comes to a dog losing his undercoat. Also -- plucking? Not ever gonna happen to me.
We had a lovely shepherdy-girl who likewise would lose her undercoat in the summertime, and waves of fur would fill the backyard. She didn't like being brushed, either, but in the end, did enjoy it once all the underfur was gone! So try to tolerate it, you'll feel better when it's done!
It's true that having the loose hair gone isn't wholly awful. Still, it's the principle of the thing.
You have to live with cats?!? I am sorry for that.
We have feral cats in the backyard, but L says I can't chase them. I have NO FUN AT ALL.
Dear Master Danger:
There are times to look gangsta and times to look groomed. I say unto you that yea, there is a season to all things, and your gangsta season will soon come to an end. And so will the plucking.
Patience, young one.
Grooming is for fools and poodles, not for me.
Master Danger, you have a better deal than you can imagine! You could be a longhaired cat, which would involve sessions with the Furminator and even scissors!
While I would love to have such handsome gentleman in my life, I'm afraid you would find me treating you in much the same way, so I won't bother to apply. I'm sure you'll take another look at your life and decide you've got a pretty good situation, after all.
I wouldn't like to be a cat of any kind, especially a long-haired one, so you're right there.
I just got to go outside and I chewed on some yummy mushroom compost L had carelessly used on new plantings, so I'm feeling pretty good about the whole situation here now.
Yes. My life is hard.
Life is hard for a dog in the spring.
Especially for Master Danger, poor put-upon animal....