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Ask the Blonde Dog of the House - Laura Wise

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March 18th, 2010


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06:49 pm - Ask the Blonde Dog of the House
I had hoped to post something of my own this evening -- you know, something piquant yet illuminating and just a bit wow. Unfortunately, my last three remaining brain cells must be devoted to finding a frame for a short story currently in revision, so...

Let's turn this post over to the Blonde Dog of the House.

Although she is currently lolling on the loveseat in manner of boneless sea creature, her mind is still active. She can answer questions either trifling or terrific, whatever you might like to know. So...

The Dog of the House is listening.*

*Not to me, of course, but then that wasn't in her contract.

And a happy end of the week to you, whether you are a questioning soul or not!

(17 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


From:gwynnega
Date:March 18th, 2010 11:24 pm (UTC)
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Tell me, Small Blonde One, are there currently enough lizards in your life?
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From:laurawise
Date:March 18th, 2010 11:39 pm (UTC)
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Dear Gwynne,

You are so kind to inquire! But alas, the coldest winter on record means that the lovely crunchy tricksy lizards are still sleeping. Any day now, though, the season will begin...

Sincerely and with thanks,
the Blonde Dog of the House
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From:paratti
Date:March 18th, 2010 11:41 pm (UTC)
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*pats*
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From:laurawise
Date:March 18th, 2010 11:45 pm (UTC)
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Dear L,

You are too kind. I promise not to shed on you as you pat me. (This promise can only be redeemed virtually.)

Sincerely and with a hug,
the Blonde Dog of the House
From:justhuman
Date:March 18th, 2010 11:58 pm (UTC)
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Dear Blonde Dog,

I understand from L's post throughout the year that there has been considerable deforestation in the backyard and surroundings. How will the lack of leafy shade impact your hunting and other excursions?

*scritches you behind the ears*

JH
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From:laurawise
Date:March 19th, 2010 12:03 am (UTC)
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Dear JH,

How very kind of you to scritch me behind the ears! I confess I'm a bit itchy there.

Anyway, regarding your kind question: the deforestation has stripped away hiding places for rats and snakes, whom I never chased anyway. (I am not That Kind of Dog.) There remains plenty of vegetation for lizards, should the warmth ever return!

Sincerely and with cuddlesome thanks,
the Blonde Dog of the House
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From:deadsoul820
Date:March 19th, 2010 12:49 am (UTC)
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::waves at dog::
::is not dog person, but is tolerant::

This is addressed to the woman of the house:

a bit wow

Charlie!

(which doesn't actually work so well when one remembers the actual line was "kinda wow", and also when one remembers that to admit to that memory is out oneself as god-damned old)
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From:laurawise
Date:March 19th, 2010 12:54 am (UTC)
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You're quite right. Clearly I shouldn't be striving for a post that's a little bit wow! [grins]

For your delectation. I shall imagine you at the Carlyle listening to Bobby Short...

A happy, hair-tossing end of the week to you! ;-)
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From:anne_d
Date:March 19th, 2010 03:49 am (UTC)
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Small Blonde One, what is your opinion of grasshoppers? The felines who share my home find them quite enticing, and crunchy.

*Offers respectful pat*

*Sends hugs and grow-brain-cells vibes to L*
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From:laurawise
Date:March 19th, 2010 10:29 am (UTC)
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Dear Anne_d,

I do understand your feline animals' enjoyment of grasshoppers, but I don't quite share it. The hoppers hop in a way that sometimes lands them on me, which I do not care for. (The wonderful thing about lizards is that they leave the aggression to me.)

I send good wishes for your Friday, to you and your feline animals,

Sincerely,
the Blonde Dog of the House
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From:lazy_neutrino
Date:March 19th, 2010 06:58 am (UTC)
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Blonde Dog, I'd like to know why you stay with your mistress. Surely a trendsetter like you could have anyone. What makes you proud to walk out in public with your mistress?
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From:laurawise
Date:March 19th, 2010 10:33 am (UTC)
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Dear L_N,

If I might correct you... I am not proud to walk out in public with L. Or rather, when I am taken out in public, the focus is not on her but on me me me me me.

That being said, I will share with you that I didn't always live here. In that before time, I did not have a cool job where I can sleep in the corner, I did not have my own futon, and I did not have a big backyard (full of lizards) where I might roam at my leisure. So, really, despite the many failings of L, this isn't so bad.

Thank you so much for your kind inquiry, and I wish you a happy Friday, you and your feline.

Sincerely,
the Blonde Dog of the House
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From:lazy_neutrino
Date:March 19th, 2010 05:32 pm (UTC)
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Your own futon! My cat sends her regards. She has many mats, but is now considering whether it is essential to have one's own futon.

On the other hand she has a lap when required. She will ponder this further.
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From:kathyh
Date:March 19th, 2010 09:46 am (UTC)
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Dear Small Blonde Goddess

What is the most outrageous thing you've ever done and how did your mistress cope with you, respectfully as you deserve, or otherwise.

Sends virtual lizards for your enjoyment.
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From:laurawise
Date:March 19th, 2010 10:38 am (UTC)
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Dear Kathy_h,

An interesting question! Of course, I first would say that I don't do outrageous things. There could be some disagreement on that topic, however.

These moments of disagreement usually come after I've rolled in poop or something. (This is a cooling and celebratory act, which L fails to understand. Something about bringing poop into the house, I don't know.)

Thank you for asking such a difficult question! I hope your Friday isn't a difficult one, however.

Sincerely,
the Blonde Dog of the House
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From:freixenet
Date:March 19th, 2010 11:25 am (UTC)
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Dear Blonde One,

Tell me, what's up with the licking of toads?

much love, and virtual treats (which I know are not as enjoyable as the ones M gives you),

Freixenet
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From:laurawise
Date:March 19th, 2010 11:55 am (UTC)
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Dear Freixenet,

Re the licking of toads: we all have our pleasures.

I send apologies to you for not bestirring myself more when you visit me, and good wishes for a lovely weekend despite work events to which I am not invited. [sigh]

Happy sunshine!

Sincerely and with affection,
the Blonde Dog of the House


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